Acceptance: The Final Boss and The Holy Grail (Part 4)

Don't underestimate this stage!

Click through to find Part One, Two, and Three of this four-part series.

“There are two approaches to A.I. There’s denial, and there’s stoicism. Everybody’s first reaction to A.I. is ‘We’ve got to stop this.’ Just like everybody’s first reaction to cancer is ‘How are we going to cut it out?’ ” But it was important to recognize when cutting it out was just a fantasy.

“We can’t be in denial…We have to be real. We need to think, How do we make it not as awful for humanity as it might be?”

-Geoffrey Hinton in an article written by Joshua Rothman, The New Yorker, November 2023

Over the last year, I have begun to amass quotes that lie “in and around” the subject of artificial intelligence in a messy Microsoft Word document aptly titled “AI Quotes.” Some are frightening, some are exciting, some have already turned out to be prescient in only a short time. I revisit this document from time to time when I am feeling dragged down by the weight of adapting to AI in education.

For me, the above quote often stands out above all the rest. Geoffrey Hinton is a man who devoted his entire professional life to the development of artificial intelligence systems, and while he doesn’t quite regret the product of his life’s work, he compares it to cancer.

That’s right. Cancer.

Specifically, the cancer that took the lives of two of his three wives, one of which died in a state of denial and the other who died in a state of stoic acceptance.

He uses the analogy of his wife’s disparate reactions to their illnesses as a way of explaining how he believes we should be approaching the advancements of AI. His second wife, specifically, accepted that she was unlikely to beat her Stage Four Cancer, but still tried to make the best of her remaining days.

“How do we make it not as awful for humanity as it might be?” he says.

The gravity of this quote—and the profound source—reminds me why I started this work and why I continue it. It’s fuel, but not the kind that burns out quickly.

First, if a man who experienced the loss of two wives and now believes his life’s work could be “awful for humanity” can still rise every day and work towards making it better, then so can I.

Furthermore, his story exemplifies reaching the Fifth Stage of Grief—Acceptance. But it’s a form of stoic acceptance that walks the tightrope between zealotry and resignation.

The Final Boss

Many people think that reaching the stage of Acceptance is marked by automatic, sweet relief.

But they overlook that it is a “stage” unto itself, with its own time and space. It’s a process. One could argue that mastering this final section is the most complicated because it is the most nuanced.

Acceptance is the Final Boss of the Grieving World. Simply approaching this stage is not enough; you must navigate it thoughtfully and deliberately.

Acceptance is not Giving Up

Anger and bargaining are inherently tied to the idea of a fight. In anger, I feel like I’m losing the fight, which makes me mad. In bargaining, I’m still losing, but I try to grab a piece of the action before the final bell rings.

In both cases, I don’t want to end up with nothing, and I certainly don’t want to lose. These emotions hinder acceptance because our egos equate it with giving up or losing outright. We mistakenly think it makes us weak.

But acceptance actually takes strength. Consider the Geoffrey Hinton story again for perspective.

Remind yourself that acceptance is not an admission of defeat but rather, in some cases, an act of resilience. This mindset can help you move into this stage without feeling defeated.

The trick is to carry a piece of your “old self” into this “new era.” Remember that, in the context of adapting to disruptive technology in our professional lives, this model is about grieving the loss of the “old way” and moving into a new, unfamiliar world.

But your “old self” and the “old way” don’t have to die. You can bring them with you, and they can inform your interactions with this new world.

Take the idea of “grading the chats” as an example. It sounds crazy right? But think of it this way: the chat transcript is a piece of text, nothing more. It is words on a page between two “people” trying to solve a problem. We already know how to analyze that, we just haven’t realized it. Any ELA teacher worth their weight in gold could analyze a chat transcript with their hands tied behind their back, if someone gave them a rubric.

So bring your old skills, your old self, and your old experiences with you. Believe me, they will come in handy.

Acceptance is not Zealotry

I have a friend who is a perpetual optimist. To be honest, I find it annoying.

I can't decide if it's because I think he's naive and ignorant of the realities around us, or if I'm actually just jealous. Maybe I wish I could think, feel, and be like him. Wouldn't it be nice to always feel like the sun is shining?

Like most things, it's probably a mixture of both.

Acceptance is often misconstrued as the fabrication of blind optimism. Some resist acceptance because they believe it involves removing healthy skepticism and embracing reckless confidence—both of which we learn to avoid through experience.

As we grow up, we get burned, and we learn to look critically at our fellow man and the world around us as a means of survival. This learned skepticism becomes part of our identity, something we value just like any other characteristic we've developed.

It's also a point of pride. “I can spot a con man a mile away,” you might hear someone say. “Yeah sure, I’ve heard that one before,” another might mutter.

Abandoning this critical aspect of our identity in favor of papier mache optimism can feel depressing. Some might even deny reality to avoid that feeling.

But the key is to help this sense of optimism stand on its own by blending it with that same skepticism. They don’t have to be separate. In fact, they must be combined.

The Sweet Spot

There are many phrases that capture the combination that leads to stoic acceptance. “Guarded optimism” is one. “Tempered enthusiasm” might be another. ChatGPT recommended I include “measured hopefulness” when I asked for synonyms too. I wonder if it knew I was talking about it when I asked.

The key to defeating the final boss of grief is to merge the opposing aspects of our dual nature. You don’t abandon either side of yourself. You also do not lean too far into either. There’s a reason the Serenity Prayer has been so effective in the 12-Step Recovery Process for so many decades.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

Nuance, as always, is king. When 3.5 was released in November 2022, there was an uproar that Large Language Models would kill our humanity. As stated at the beginning of this article, I started my research based on this idea. However, slowly but surely, I’m beginning to believe the opposite. It might actually help us connect to the deepest aspects of our humanity, in ways we never imagined.

Thank you for reading! If you find this work valuable, please consider liking, sharing, or subscribing. For those that are already paid subscribers, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued support. Your encouragement is the fuel that keeps me creating and growing!